Your Highness

If you like filth, foul language, inappropriate and pervasive sexual, masturbatorial, and homo-erotica dialog, you will LOVE this movie. If you don't like those kinds of things, then run away and lock yourself in a room with The Sound of Music. Julie Andrews is your friend.

Your Highness is a middle ages comedy about a young Princess Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel - who's making her rounds on gossip news, of which I could care less) who is kidnapped prior to her wedding to the young brave and worthy Prince Fabious (James Franco). His not-so-worthy overweight and unambitious brother Thadeos (Danny McBride) begrudgingly agrees to go on a mission to rescue his bride and return to the castle.

The two brothers then cross the land and seek knowledge from perverted puppets demanding sexual favors, get attacked by naked women threatening to kill them, and cross paths with the lovely and worthy warrioress, Isabell (Natalie Portman).

This movie is zany. This movie is gross. This movie is hysterical if you can tolerate it.

Directed by David Gordon Green, Your Highness is Rated R, but the unrated version would definitely be XXX. There's language, nudity, pervasive sexual references and innuendo, language, violence, and language.

The movie also stars Charles Dance as King Tallious, which I think is a reference to a penis (tally-whacker), Toby Jones as Julie the peasant helper, and Justin Therox as Leezer.

I'm not real sure how to rate this movie. With most of my friends, this movie would not warrant a discussion. In fact, it may tarnish my reputation to admit that I found parts of it funny. I might be labeled and banned for running for a political office. But to my perverted sexually-twisted friends, they'll like this movie. I'll give it an even-keeled 3 stars.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

With Dustin Hoffman, Jason Bateman, and Natalie Portman, this movie cannot go wrong. Note that there was a requirement that all stars of this movie have their last name end with "man".

Mr. Magoirum's Wonder Emporium is run by Mr. Magorium is a plus 200 year old magician(?) who owns a toy store in New York, but is facing his soon demise and must transfer ownership in order for the store to survive.

Dustin Hoffman is a man of many characters, in life and in the movies. He doesn't disappoint. Natalie Portman, on the other hand, could have been asleep and done the same job acting. She's nice to look at, but she's such a dull actress.

There's also Zach Mills who plays Eric Applebaum, the hat collector. He's a loner kid that likes to hang out at the toy store and do amazing things. At one point I said to my wife, that kid acts like a younger version of Mr. Magorium. She just looked at me and I was like, "Oh........!".

Jason Bateman plays the accountant whos' trying to balance the books. He plays a dry, boring, and someone mean straight guy who suddenly finds his way at the end and helps to save the toy store.

This is mostly a kids movie. My 6 year old son lost interest in it about 20 minutes into the movie, though my 8 year old thought it was the greatest movie ever. On the other hand, she thinks that every movie she sees is the greatest movie ever. (You remember being like that as a kid, right?!)

I gave this movie 3 stars, not because I thought it was great, but because it filled its niche. It is meant for younger viewers and my younger viewer liked it. It is a feel good movie that you know will have a happy ending. If you have kids, they will probably enjoy this movie. If you only have dogs, you probably will not like this movie as much.