Clerks 2

If you've never seen the original Clerks movie, stop reading right now and go get it. It is a classic low-budget movie that is a must-see. Once you've seen it you can continue reading.

Okay, we can now assume you've seen Clerks.

My family and I went to Don Pablo's last night and somehow I consumed 3 glasses of iced tea giving me enough caffeine to stay awake for several days. So I started watching Clerks II at about 10:30pm. And I finished watching the movie. Boy am I going to be tired today!

The original Clerks is one of the funniest movies of the 90's. And it's in black and white! The conversation about blowing up the Death Star and killing all the contractors is worth the whole movie.

Now, Dante and Randal have left the quick market because of a tragic fire. Now they are both employed at Mooby's, a fast-food restaurant.

Dante (Brian O'Halloran) has a new girfriend (Jennifer Schwalbach Smith, who incidentally is actually Kevin Smith's wife) and a hot boss (Rosario Dawson). Randall (Jeff Anderson) is happy enough in life making food and tormenting customers and employees.

The banter between everyone is hysterical. Like the original Clerks, much of it revolves around Star Wars and there's an intense argument over which is better - The Lord of the Rings trilogy or the Star Wars trilogy. Then there's the pussy troll conversation with Elias, the very religous feminine burger maker with no self-esteem.

The movie involves a little more romantic adversity than I cared to hear or watch and the ending is totally predictable, but the situational comedy is very funny. Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) make their appearances and Silent Bob actually speaks, though I think this may have ruined the aura of Silent Bob.

I give this movie 3 stars. The comedy was mostly good, but the romantic battle that Dante faces between his fiance' and his boss is a little drawn out. In one sequence I think the entire 1979 song by the Smashing Pumpkins is played while he is driving around town pondering what to do. Come on! The whole song?!!! It should have been about 10-15 seconds worth of pondering.

Beowulf

I'm not quite sure what to say about this movie. It was released on DVD this week and I knew that I had to see it. Today, I am not sure why I had to see it.

Beowulf is like a dark version of Shrek. The movie, like Shrek, is computer animation. I was watching a cartoon! I didn't realize this, though I have to admit that I didn't put much thought into it when I saw the commercials.

Beowulf, as any 12th grader studying British literature can tell you, is said to be the first written story. It dates from the 8th -11th century. Beowulf is the hero who defeats Grendel, the giant monster-like creature that attacks Heorot, in what is probably Denmark. He must then defeat Grendal's mother and later a dragon.

The movie stars Ray Winstone as the cartoon image of Beowulf, Anthony Hopkins as Hrothgar, and Angelina Jolie, who plays the often totally naked, but nipple-less and vagina-less cartoon image of Beowulf's mother. It's actually really creepy.

The movie is very violent, even compared to other cartoons like Ren and Stimpy or Itchy and Scratchy. Lots of people die. And by dying I don't mean stabbed or passing away because of heart disease or slipping in the bathtub and hitting your head. Dozens of people are impalled, one is ripped in half, and another has his head bitten off. Some are flogged against the ground and others used as bowling balls. It bordered on the rediculous.

I am having a difficult time rating this movie. For an animated movie, I guess the animation was good. The movie is based on one of the all-time classic stories in all of literature. However, it was mostly just silly and overdone. I will have to give this movie 2 stars. Too much shiny featureless naked woman, too much nonsensical death, and not enough believability, even for a mythical movie.

Sicko

Always good entertainment, Michael Moore has released his newest documentary/propaganda Sicko onto DVD.

In this (let's just call it a movie), Michael Moore visits several places in America and shows you how bad the medical system is. It is full of anecdotal evidence that our system is broken. For example, a woman was charged for an ambulance ride to the hospital after an accident because the ambulance ride wasn't pre-approved. He's right! The entire system is broken because of this incident!

He does focus on several people that helped with the World Trade Center rescue on 9/11 (or 11/9 if you're not from America). It was sad to see the conditions of some of these people and to learn that the government is not helping them. One victim was not an official rescue team member, just someone who jumped in to help. He now has chronic pulmonary problems and no one will cover his medical expenses. This is a crying shame.

Moore then travels to Cuba with some of the people that are having medical problems and shows us the wonderful medical system they have there. Inhalers only cost 15 cents and most of the medical care is FREE.

Moore then travels to Great Britain and France. In GB he searches a hospital for the cashier's office and constantly asks people how much they expect to pay for their medical service. The answer is always that it is FREE.

In France he dines with some people and they discuss maternity leave and how it is 6 months by law and you can take 12 months if you want to without pay. The government also provides discounted daycare and a nanny will come to your house for FREE. The nanny will also do your laundry and cook your food - for FREE.

Now, anyone that is a free thinker and took any type of economics class knows that nothing is FREE. These people are paying for their services through taxes. Michael Moore fails to mention this - even once. My opinion is that if people are happy paying higher taxes for these services, then that is their right. But Moore, being disingenuous as always, mentions none of this.

Is Michael Moore advocating socialized medicine in the United States? He sure is! He attacks the Bush administration, the Nixon administration, and the Reagan administration and their deals with the devils - pharmaceutical and health insurance companies. In fairness, he does mention that Hillary tried to socialize medicine during her husband's administration, but big $$$ made her shut up.

I do enjoy watching Michael Moore movies. I like to see what the liberal left is thinking. His movies are entertaining, even if the truth is highly distorted. I give this movie 4 stars. It does have some valid points and the movie kept my attention the entire time. I wouldn't spend money to buy this movie, otherwise you're supporting him. Instead I recommend getting this movie from your local free library!

Blind Dating

I originally saw the previews for this movie in the theater, which is a shock because I've only seen a small handful of movies in the theater in the past few years - Alvin and the Chipmunks, Shrek III, I Am Legend, and The Kingdom. Blind Dating is a movie that appeared to be really funny in the previews, but this shows that the people that create the previews can be pretty good at their job.

The concept of the movie is that a boy is blind (Chris Pine) and he wants to find love. His brother, Eddie Kaye Thomas, better known as Finch from The American Pie series of movies, decides to help him hook up. You can queue up the comedy of a line of girls going out with him and the humerous challenges that he must overcome until he finally meets the right girl.

In typical romance comedy fashion, the right girl initially turns out to be that chick with a 'tude that you don't like. But somehow her "soft" side suddenly jumps out when she wears some sexy outfit. The girl, Anjali Jay, is an Indian (from India, not Wyoming) and she's scheduled to be married in one of those prearranged things.

As you can predict, they fall in love, they have a fallout, then they overcome their challenges, then they come back together and everything is fine and they live happily ever after. Chicks dig this crap.

The movie lacked the humor that was portended in the movie trailer. Chris Pine's character is week, Finch is a bit of a jerk, but he's there for his brother. Anjali Jay does a nice job and I look forward to seeing her play in more movies.

Given everything, I had to give this movie 3 stars. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. It is very predictable, but if you're in the mood to watch a movie with your lady (or your man) and you don't want to be burdened with keeping up with the plot, then this movie is for you.

Rendition

Another movie compliments of Netflix (and without delays in shipping or recognizing that they received my last movie at a reasonable time!), Rendition is about a man that was basically kidnapped by the United States government because they suspected that he was a terrorist. His wife, Reese Witherspoon, sets out to find out where he is and climbs the political ladder to get answers.

The movie is intense and has some disturbing scenes of torture, but I guess that's why my mother always told me not to be a terrorist, because torture is no fun. Jake Gyllenhaal, the Viking-sounding actor from Los Angeles, is the government operative that is helping to conduct the "examination and questioning" sessions. Also in the movie, Meryl Streep plays a high level government official who's a total bitch (if you can believe that) and Alan Arkin is the jerk-head politician (again - a jerk-head politician, who knew?)

A subplot of the movie is a bomb that detonates in an Egyptian market square at the beginning of the movie. The local police chief (Yigal Naor, one of several people from Munich to star in this movie), is investigating this bombing, in addition to trying to find his daughter. There is a great plot twist that if I say too much I will give it away. I totally fell into it and didn't see it coming.

The only thing that disappointed me was the ending. It was all too easy. Things don't really happen this way, especially in real life, but as we know, Hollywood and real life are two totally mutually exclusive things.

The movie did not receive high reviews, though I give it 4 stars. If it hadn't been for the pooper ending, I would have given it 5 stars. Reese's character wasn't all that strong, though it did not need to be. If you are going to watch this movie because she's in it, you may be disappointed. However, the good plot and action should keep you in this movie.

A View To A Kill

The next James Bond movie in my repertoire, A View To A Kill is probably the one I remember the most. This movie was released in 1985, when I was 13 years old. This is when I really started to appreciated James Bond movies. Heck, it may have been the first James Bond movie I ever saw.

This Roger Moore-based Bond flick also stars Christopher Walken, who, believe it or not is going to be 65 years old this year, as the crazy (if you can believe that) Max Zoran, Tanya Roberts (of Charlie's Angels fill-in and recently on That 70's Show), and Grace Jones (Conan the Destroyer). This is also probably the first movie that I saw a black woman kiss a white guy - not that there's anything wrong with that.

This bond film is short on corny Bond-isms, but high on nice looking ladies scenes. The action is solid throughout the film, though I did think that Bond's multiple escapes from certain death a little over the top.

Christopher Walken is classic cocky, confident, and arrogant, which makes for a perfect villain. He's the result of a German genetic experiment who has used his genetic genius to his advantage. Bond is out to bring him to justice.

Like all Bond films, the bad guy loses and the good guy wins and the movie ends with Bond in the sack with the pretty lady - which is not a bad thing. I give this movie 3 stars. I still like the classic Sean Connery Bond films more, not Moore. However, I do have good memories of watching this film with my good friend Brian. As you probably can tell, sentimental value helps to increase the rating of my movies.

Radio

Based on a true story, Radio is about a mentally disabled man who was nicknamed Radio because he, get this, always walks around with a radio. Gooding plays James Robert Kennedy, a black man living in the South during the early 1970's.

Convincingly played by Cuba Gooding Jr., Radio is the butt of a practical joke by the high school football team in Anderson, South Carolina (where several of my friends from college lived). The football coach, played by Ed Harris, decides to teach a lesson to the team and show some goodwill toward the man, to make Radio a sort of mascot. Also starring in the movie is Debra Winger.

At first, everyone wonders what the hell Coach Jones is doing, including the Principal and everyone at the barber shop. You'll have to see the movie to see what I mean about that one.

The movie deals with the adversity that the coach must overcome in dealing with a hostile townfolk. Radio is filled with light comedy and is sometimes sad.

A the end of the movie, you get to see the actual Mr. Kennedy, as he is still a fixture at that high school.

Radio is a great movie that my wife and I both enjoyed watching. You will be cheering for Radio at the end. I give Radio 4 stars. This is a good movie to watch with your lady that doesn't include castles, horses, English accents, or some horrible disease that ends up killing someone.