The Expendables

Action. Screaming. Blood. Tough guys. Gore. Shooting. Explosions. Grunting. Fire. Smoke. If this is your idea of a movie, shout out "BINGO" because I found a winner.

If you want a movie with tough guys from the 80's trying to recapture a little of their glory, The Expendables was made with you in mind.

In what would have been considered an all-star cast in 1984, The Expendables has true grit. Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Stratham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steve Austin. The only ones we're missing are Jean Claude van Damme and Steven Seagal.

What's the plot? Not sure. I think they're sent on a mission to blow stuff up, but they get shot at and have to leave, but only to decide that they need to return to save the girl and blow up some more stuff. And kill the bad guys.

The Expendables is Rated R for language, some sequences of graphic violence (those sequences last throughout the entire movie), and a face by Sylvester Stallone that will make you cringe.

I got through The Expendables only because it was so ridiculous that it was funny. These guys should not be making action movies any more. They were just silly. I can hardly bring myself to give this movie 2 stars.

Red

In Bruce Willis' latest super secret agent movie, he plays Frank Moses, an ex-CIA secret operative who is in retirement, but is forced out of retirement when he learns that someone has a hit out on him. To make matters worse, these hitmen are also after the phone representative girl (Mary-Louise Parker) that he calls everyday because he's in love with her. Now he must save himself, and her. And he's never met her.

Assisting him on the hunt for the person who put out a hit on him are former ex-CIA secret operatives Nelson Mandella (who convincingly played Morgan Freeman once in a movie - or was it the other way around?), John Malkovich (who starred in Being John Malkovich), and Helen Mirren.

Also staring in the movie are 200 year old Ernest Borgnine, Richard Dreyfuss, Julian McMahon, and Karl Urban.

An interesting point about Julian McMahon - he played the Vice President running for President in the movie. In real life, McMahon is the son of a former Prime Minister of Australia - Sir William McMahon.

Red, which stands for Retired Extremely Dangerous, is more of an action comedy. There were plenty of parts that made me laugh. There is a lot of shooting, not a lot of blood, and a curse word here and there. The movie is rated PG-13 for said shooting and language.

I was adequately entertained by Red and it's nearly continuous sequence of action. I find it suffice to give it 3.5 stars.

Assassination of a High School President

Assassination of a High School President is a dark comedy staring Reece Thompson as Bobby Funke, pronounced Funky by everyone but Bobby, as the somewhat awkward sophomore who is on the school newspaper and is trying to make a name for himself so that he can get nominated for a prestigous summer journalism program at Northwestern.

Reece learns of a potential conspiracy and gets some quick information and writes the crack story implicating the student body President, resulting in his removal from office. However, things don't turn out as they initially appear and eventually Funke uncovers an even bigger conspiracy and learns a huge lesson in investigative journalism.

His investigation leads him into a relationship with the sultry Francesca Fashini (Mischa Barton). She's the girl of most guys' dreams and he cannot believe that she falls for him. Or has she?

High school principal Kirkpatrick, played by Bruce Willis, is a Gulf War Veteran and runs the private Catholic school like a prison with little tolerance for mischief. By no means are Kirkpatrick and Funke on the same team.

Assassination of a High School President is definitely a teen angst movie that many teenagers will be able to relate, though the movie is rated R, technically making it so that most teenagers cannot watch it until they are out of high school.

The movie is rated R for drug and alcohol use (by minors), language, lots of sexuality, and some nudity, though not close enough to get you really excited, but I'm sure most guys are not going to complain.

The movie is 93 minutes long and was directed by PhD candidate Brett Simon who gets his first big break in films.

Assassination of a High School President certainly has an entertainment value and I found myself relating to Funke (though I'm not sure if that is a good thing). Mischa Barton kept me glued to the screen. I remember her as the shy roommate in the sexually explicit Lost & Delirious movie depicting a graphic lesbian relationship between Piper Parabo and Jessica Pare'. Barton also stared in the moderately successful television series The O.C.

Given my tastes in movies, I give this movie the standard 3 stars. Not too much desire to watch it again, but it entertained me for the time.

What Just Happened?

What Just Happened? (WJH?) is the 2nd of two movies released this year staring Robert De Niro, the other being Righteous Kill. As one of my co-workers said, "I think Robert De Niro is trying to see how many movies he can make." Based on this movie, he's not being too picky about the scripts that he accepts.

WJH stars RDN as a producer of a movie that is currently being presented in front of test audiences for reaction. The audience does not like the final scene, so the backers of the movie request that the director change the ending. The director goes nuts (which is kind of funny).

Meanwhile, RDN has several former relationships that he is trying to maintain, though unsuccessfully. He spends most of the movie driving from one place to another trying to catch up with everyone via his cell phone.

Moreover, negotiations for a new movie are not going well because Bruce Willis refuses to shave his beard. He begins acting like those brats on The Real World, which is about as real as professional wrestling.

Back at movie land, the director is finally convinced to change his movie and the ending, though predictable, is somewhat funny. However, it took a long time for the movie to get there.

The dialog in this movie is horrible and has no fluency to it. The scenes are choppy from one to another and the constant tension between all of the characters makes for a movie of no protagonists, just a bunch of loosely connected antagonists.

The movie stars, in addition to De Niro and Willis, Sean Penn, his wife Robin Wright Penn, and Catherine Keener. The movie was directed by Baltimore native Barry Levinson, known for such good movies as The Natural, Diner, Wag the Dog, and Bee Movie. Chalk this one up as 'Not one of his Best Works'.

The movie is Rated R for language, depicted violence, sexual content, drug use, and bad acting. Fortunately the movie is 104 minutes long and not 120.

Based on the fact that I was looking forward to the end of the movie, I would have to say that it was not a good one. The comical scenes with the director saved this movie from a 1 star and earned it a 2 star. Be forewarned. Hopefully the 5 movies that De Niro makes next year will be better.

Perfect Stranger

I was expecting Balki and cousin Larry, but instead I got Halle Berry and Bruce Willis. Actually now that I think about it, that's a pretty good trade.

This Perfect Stranger is about a woman (Halle Berry) trying to bring down Bruce Willis for a murder of one of her friends. She will do anything to bring him to justice. Her role is convincing. Bruce, however, played the same character that he always plays. Now, the movie kept my interest and I knew I had it all figured out...until the end.

Let me tell you, when a movie uses the Scooby-Doo method of solving the case, it is a bad movie. At the end one of the main characters runs through what actually happened, but watching the movie would not have provided you any clues. That totally defeats the purpose of a good mystery. Trust me, I was pretty ticked off at this point.

Unfortunately for Halle Berry, her good looks could not sway me. I give this movie 1 star. If not for the "oh, this is how it happened" speech at the end, I would have given this 3 stars. The only thing that would have made it worse is if Scrappy-Doo jumped out and said, "Let me at 'em, uncle Scooby!"