10,000 B.C.

Sometimes, CAG (computer animated graphics) can help enhance a movie. The Spiderman series of movies were tolerable. And all of those fantasy-like movies have them - Narnia, Spiderwick Chronicles, Bridge to Tarabithia, etc... However, I think what also makes them successful movies is they also have a good plot and storyline. Not so for B.C. and for several reasons.

In 10,000 B.C., (this is 12,000 years ago!) Gog, Lar, Atouk, or is it D'Leh (Steven Strait), is in a village that gets attacks by an evil war lord and the cast from Mad Maxx, or was it the 10,000 Maniacs? Anyway, they steal his woman, Ooga (Camilla Belle - which if I'm not mistaken is French for too much makeup), and take off with her because they love her makeup and her well manicured hands and feet, let alone that great push-up bra she was wearing. D'Leh is determined to chase them down and get her back. Fortunately for him, she plays Gretel and leaves bits of Ritz crackers and beads from a necklace on the ground, which he is able to find over the hundreds of millions of acres of land on the Earth.

This is a long and perilous journey and what's a trek across Eurasia without running into a 10,000 pound sabre-toothed tiger that he helps set free from a trap. Instead of tearing him to shreds the tiger sniffs him and then together they enjoy a hug and he names him Fluffy.

Then there's the comical woolly-mammoth chase. I think Chevy Chase may have directed that scene. D'Leh then chases the marauders across the mountains, through the plains, through the desert and finally to the Suez canal, but before the British get there, but yet he gets there 5 minutes too late as he got caught up in traffic. He does manage to follow the boats and finds that the villagers had been kidnapped to help build the pyramids, most of which would be built 8000 years after 10,000 B.C. Perhaps they were busy organizing the day labor camps for the illegal immigrants in anticipation of the pyramids that would be built thousands of years later.

And while they were building the pyramids that weren't built for 8000 years, the woolly mammoths were utilized for their great strength to pull large carts of supplies and stone sleds. Using animals to pull carts would become very popular 3000 year later when people starting using animals to pull carts.

So here is D'Leh, 10,000 years ago, in Egypt building the future pyramids along with millions of other slaves. He's ridiculed for his ridiculous French name, but eventually is able to lead a revolt against the evil slave owners, most of them from Mississippi. But would it be in enough time to save his girlfriend with the great tan, the moisturized skin, and the cleanly shaved legs and armpits?

Anyone who has studied history will have a major problem with this movie. There are so many observations that are inconsistent with what we know, plus there's the heavy Americanization or Europeanization of the characters. I'm actually surprised that I didn't see contrails from a Boeing 767 flying over the pyramids.

Fortunately for the viewer obligated to watch the movie because of their subscription to Netflix, 10,000 B.C. is only 109 minutes long. The movie is rated PG-13 for violating documented history, time era violations, inaccurate animal scenes, violence, and actresses wearing too much sun tan lotion.

I give this movie 2 stars. For some reason I didn't hate it enough to give it one star like a Rosie O'Donnell movie, but it was pretty bad and I would recommend avoiding it.