G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Any boy who grew up in the 1980's looked forward to the release of this movie. Others who can't stand to go to the movie theater looked forward to its later release on DVD.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra follows the evil scientist who creates the Cobra organization and his creation of Destro. In this presumably introduction to a series of movies, Cobra gets a hold of Nano weapons that destroy everything in their path the way you'd expect termites to destroy an old house - but really fast. Much of the action takes place in Paris and all of our favorite landmarks fall prey to this destructive weapon. It's up to the top secret Joe organization to seek out the members of Cobra and bring them down.

The movie has a star-studded cast including Dennis Quaid as General Hawk, Channing Tatum as Duke, Marlon Wayans (brother of the many other Wayans), Rachel Nichols (though without her traveling pants), Brendan Frasier, and Sienna Miller.

Now with such a heavy-weight cast, you would think that this would be one awesome movie. However, most of the movie focuses on computer-generated special effects that at times get a bit ridiculous. There's a ton of chase scenes and shooting scenes, though I probably should expect a lot of shooting scenes.

Directed by Stephen Sommers (which explains the appearance of Brendan Frasier - he's directed several of his movies) The Rise of Cobra is 2 hours long and is rated PG-13 for thousands of sequences of computer-animated violence, and as Netflix put it: strong sequences of violence and mayhem. I think that's about right.

I thought it quite humorous that the ladies in the movie were allowed to wear non-standard issue military suits that had zippers that only came up to their cleavage. And they also had on a good amount of makeup and long hair - characteristics of most of the women in our military.

I was not at all impressed with the movie and honestly do not look forward to the sequels. The plot was all over the place and it did not even resemble anything realistic. I was easily distracted during the movie by shiny things and was glad when it ended. I will have to say that I had a promotion code from Red Box allowing for a free rental, so I don't feel too bad. It didn't cost me anything. I give G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra 2 stars.

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh

The son of a mobster, Arty Bechstein (Jon Foster) has just graduated from college and decides that he wants to spend his summer working with no responsibilities before he goes after that big corporate job - or the one that the mob will give him.

Finding gainful employment at a bookstore, he quickly finds himself in a physical relationship with his boss, Phlox (Mena Suvari). However, Phlox is a bit crazy and uninspiring. His attention quickly turns to a stranger on a motorcycle (Peter Sarsgaard) and his girlfriend (Sienna Miller) Jane who introduce him to a new way of thinking about life.

Unsurprisingly he finds himself attracted to Jane and he begins to question the institutions that have raised him, including his gangster father. Things get interesting, though, when Phlox doesn't go away easily.

In the end Arty finds himself struggling for a new identification and direction in life, while feeling the pressures of his father to end his summer of bliss, get serious, and get on with life.

Because the movie stars Sienna Miller, you know that there will be nudity. However, Mena Suvari gives her a run for her money in the nakedness department.

Nick Nolte does a nice job playing Arty's mobster father. I watched him for a long time before I figured out that it was him. Nolte seems much smaller than I remember him and his hair is dark and slicked back, much like you'd imagine a New Jersey thug to be. Sort of like anyone in a movie that stars Robert DeNiro.

The movie is rated R for said nudity, in addition language and strong sexuality. I am not opposed to these things, obviously, being a guy. However, what they fail to mention is that some of that sexuality is homosexuality. I accept that homosexuality is normal, but it is not something I want to watch. It's sort of like the Real World on MTV. Obvioulsy someone wants to watch it - but I certainly don't want to watch it.

The movie is directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber who also directed Dodgeball.

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh is only 95 minutes long. The story is fairly weak and predictable, but with a cast that includes a couple of young beautiful naked women, I am forced to give this movie 3 stars.