Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is the sequal to the original Wall Street movie staring Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen. This time, more than 20 years later, Gordon Gekko is out of prison and he's ready to make right with his life. Or is he?

Gekko's daughter Winnie (Carey Mulligan) is dating Wall Street trader Jake (Shia LeBouf - who I swear is not interested in the daughters of former money makes; or any daughters for that matter, but I digress). In basically what is a replay of the original movie, some big firm goes down and everyone is left with their hat in hand wondering what to do next.

Wanting his girlfriend to make-up with her just released from prison father, Jake meets with Gekko to talk business. Soon thereafter, Jake is working for Gekko's arch-rival Bretton James (Josh Brolin).

Things don't go as smoothly as you would have expected in the reunification attempt for a convicted white-collar criminal who ruined his family and made a spectacle of everything. But as they say, what goes around comes around.

This movie deals mostly with the credit and real estate bubbles of this decade. It runs like an economics and financial documentary for much of the movie. It's full of back-stabbing and much of the same from the original movie.

For comical entertainment, Charlie Sheen makes a cameo appearance that is absolutely pathetic. To me it appeared to be a plug for the original movie. Are they pushing DVD sales? And if you hadn't seen the original movie it would not have been relevant to you.

But all's well in the end, right?

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is directed by fear-mongering conspiracy theorist Oliver Stone. Also staring in the movie are liberal titan Susan Sarandon, Frank Langella, John Bedford Lloyd, and Oliver Stone. There are also cameos by Wall Street media moguls Jim Cramer, Maria Bartaromo, and David Faber from NBC's business channel CNBC.

The movie is rated PG-13 for some language, one scene of implied violence, deceit, and cerebral economic discussions.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is more of a sentimental movie for people who love the 80's. There is not much cinematic value to this movie. I mean - is it realistic that some 22 year old kid is some power broker? He really leaped over the 40 year olds who have been working the street for 20 years??? I fully expect there to be another Stone movie about the next economic bubble with accusations against the greedy corporate money whores.

The movie isn't terrible. It's got it's witty one-liners, but it's just.....eh.

I give Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps 2.9 stars.

Machete

Machete is an action comedy that shows the conflicting and often hypocritical interests in dealing with the millions of illegal aliens that cross in from Mexico every year.

When Mexican Federale Machete (Danny Trejo) is double-crossed, attacked, and left for dead, he is forced to flee May-hi-co and remain in the underground.

Several years later, superstar border agent Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba) comes across him while monitoring action of the taco truck run by underground leader Luz (Michelle Rodriguez). In South Texas, tensions are high with the keeping out illegal aliens. Texas Senator John McLaughlin is running for reelection on the platform of killin' 'em and closing the borders.

Meanwhile, Machete is finding his way around Texas. He is found fighting handsomely in the streets and is recruited by Von Jackson (Don Johnson) to assassinate the Senator. Meanwhile, the Mexican Mafia is led by Torrez (Steven Seagal) who is giving orders from south of the border .

The movie sports an all-star cast that also includes Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan (who is entirely naked throughout most of the movie), and Jeff Fahey.

Machete is Rated R for lots of nudity (boobies and buttocks - including Jessica Alba), violence (including decapitations and torso thrashings), and language. The violence in many scenes would almost be considered cartoonish. Just tons of blood. Everywhere. And severed limbs.

This movie is ridiculous. As an example, there is one scene where there is an entire courtyard brawl with guns and swords and machetes. Someone pulls out a machine gun and shoots all of the swords and guns and machetes and no one is hurt. Nearly everyone in the movie gets killed. Several people are gored entirely through their torso, but are able to continue their conversation for several more minutes before they die.

I read a couple of reviews and it said that the movie dealt with the conflicts of illegal immigration. I get that many businesses want the illegal immigration for its artificial low wages. But others want to close the borders because they are stealing jobs from Americans. To me, this movie was just an opportunity to make Americans look like a bunch of uneducated racist rednecks, thus making it easier to stomach killing them.

One positive was it was interesting to see Robert DeNiro not be a New York gangster. The other positive - lots of naked girls. If it weren't for all of the skin in the movie, I would have given this 1 star. But because of that bias, I'll go as high as 2.2.

The Expendables

Action. Screaming. Blood. Tough guys. Gore. Shooting. Explosions. Grunting. Fire. Smoke. If this is your idea of a movie, shout out "BINGO" because I found a winner.

If you want a movie with tough guys from the 80's trying to recapture a little of their glory, The Expendables was made with you in mind.

In what would have been considered an all-star cast in 1984, The Expendables has true grit. Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jason Stratham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steve Austin. The only ones we're missing are Jean Claude van Damme and Steven Seagal.

What's the plot? Not sure. I think they're sent on a mission to blow stuff up, but they get shot at and have to leave, but only to decide that they need to return to save the girl and blow up some more stuff. And kill the bad guys.

The Expendables is Rated R for language, some sequences of graphic violence (those sequences last throughout the entire movie), and a face by Sylvester Stallone that will make you cringe.

I got through The Expendables only because it was so ridiculous that it was funny. These guys should not be making action movies any more. They were just silly. I can hardly bring myself to give this movie 2 stars.

Red

In Bruce Willis' latest super secret agent movie, he plays Frank Moses, an ex-CIA secret operative who is in retirement, but is forced out of retirement when he learns that someone has a hit out on him. To make matters worse, these hitmen are also after the phone representative girl (Mary-Louise Parker) that he calls everyday because he's in love with her. Now he must save himself, and her. And he's never met her.

Assisting him on the hunt for the person who put out a hit on him are former ex-CIA secret operatives Nelson Mandella (who convincingly played Morgan Freeman once in a movie - or was it the other way around?), John Malkovich (who starred in Being John Malkovich), and Helen Mirren.

Also staring in the movie are 200 year old Ernest Borgnine, Richard Dreyfuss, Julian McMahon, and Karl Urban.

An interesting point about Julian McMahon - he played the Vice President running for President in the movie. In real life, McMahon is the son of a former Prime Minister of Australia - Sir William McMahon.

Red, which stands for Retired Extremely Dangerous, is more of an action comedy. There were plenty of parts that made me laugh. There is a lot of shooting, not a lot of blood, and a curse word here and there. The movie is rated PG-13 for said shooting and language.

I was adequately entertained by Red and it's nearly continuous sequence of action. I find it suffice to give it 3.5 stars.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

I haven't really reviewed older movies lately. But this movie had so many freakin' people in it I just had to write about it.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World starts when Smiler Grogan (Jimmy Durante) wrecks his car as he careens off of a cliff somewhere in the outback of California. Several car loads of people witness this accident and they all race to the car to see if he's okay. Nearing his last breath, he tells them that there's $350,000 buried beneath the big "W" in the park in Santa Rosita. Seconds later - he's dead.

The mad dash starts as the onlookers race across the state to get to Santa Rosita to get the money. Unbeknownst to them, Captain T.G. Culpepper is on to them and let's them lead him to the money. You see - he's been waiting for a break in the case for 20 years in order to find this money.

So here's a list of the people who star in the movie. If you're a well-rounded person, you'll probably know most, if not all, of them. Spencer Tracy, Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hackett,
Ethel Merman, Mickey Rooney, Dick Shawn, Phil Silvers, Jonathan Winters, Jim Backus, Peter Faulk, Norman Fell, Buster Keaton, Don Knotts, Carl Reiner, Dorothy Provine, Jack Benny, Jimmy Durante, Ron Howard, Jerry Lewis, Eddie "Rochester" Robinson, and the Three Stooges - Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and Curley Joe.

The movie is about 2 hours and 41 minutes long - which wasn't all that uncommon in the 1960's. The movie is not rated (pre-rating era), but the most scandalous thing to come out of the movie was when Ethyl Merman flashed her bloomers when she fell.

This is a great zany goof-ball comedy that anyone who appreciates classic movies will love. If you haven't seen this movie, put it on your list.

I give this movie 4.2 stars.

Cyrus

I don't know why I keep torchering myself with Jonah Hill movies. He's a fat obnoxious kid with a potty-mouth. I get enough of that from the cashiers at Best Buy. I guess the rest of the cast had me more interested in this movie.

Cyrus is the name of the title character played by Jonah Hill. He's an overweight psychotic kid (not a difficult role for Jonah to play) living with his mother, Molly, played by Maris Tomei (now we're talking, right???). She's a single mom.

Coming into the picture is John, played by John C. Reilly, Will Farrell's friend. He chose to play the role of John because he's already named John and that would be easy for him to remember. He's a divorcee wandering aimlessly in life, but his ex-wife Jamie (Catherine Keener - not bad for a 50+ year lady!) is encouraging him to meet other women.

When John meets Molly, they hit it off right away. But soon John will have to meet Cyrus. And Cyrus wants Mommy all to himself.

This dry independent comedy was directed by Jay and John Duplass. Cyrus is Rated R for language and some sexual material. I don't recall any nudity, but that's not important, is it?

As much as Jonah Hill irritates me (at least his characters irritate me), I thought this movie was somewhat funny and tolerable. Definitely not a 'watch it again' kind of movie. I will give it a slightly below average 2.9 stars.

Buried

Ryan Reynolds is really doing a good job trying to be a well-rounded actor. He's done romantic comedy - The Proposal, action - X-Men Origins, goofy comedy - Adventureland, and dramas - The Nines. This time, he does a different kind of drama, this time in the new movie war movie Buried.

Reynolds plays Paul Conroy, a contractor who is working in war-torn Iraq driving a truck for a private trucking company. He wakes up in a coffin-like box, buried somewhere in the desert. He finds that he has some items in the box with him - a lighter, a cellphone, a pencil, a flashlight, and some kind of light device (the kind that you snap and it comes on - gives that greenish glow).

Conroy tries calling people back in the states for help. 911. His wife. A mistress? His company. The State Department. Is everyone asleep? What's going on?


As he lies in the box it begins to leak sand and time starts to run out. Can the Americans track his signal and save him before it's too late. Does he have what it takes to survive?

The entire movie is shot from within the box. This has to be the smallest stage-set in the history of movies.

The only other person you see in the movie is a fellow contractor, but you see her through the video on his cellphone.

Buried is Rated R for language and some violence. It is a very suspenseful movie.

It certainly was interesting and I was in it for the long-hull. I can't comment further without giving the movie away. I'll just say that I'll give it 3 stars. You'll have to watch it yourself and let me know if you agree.